


where'd you go?

by demonicneonfishy



Series: february angst-fest (febuwhump 2021) [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Needs A Hug, Implied/Referenced Torture, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani Needs a Hug, M/M, Mind Control, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova Needs a Hug, a bit?, the others are there but not enough to warrant a character tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29174961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonicneonfishy/pseuds/demonicneonfishy
Summary: “I told you, I’m not whoever you think I am. I don’t even know who I am.”“I do,” Joe says softly. “Your name is Nicoló di Genova. You died in 1099. I know you better than I know myself.”-Nicky disappeared a year ago. But when the others find him again, he's not the same.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: february angst-fest (febuwhump 2021) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141784
Comments: 11
Kudos: 117





	where'd you go?

**Author's Note:**

> day one of febuwhump 2021  
> prompt: mind control  
> (title from holy ghost, neon trees)

Joe knows before Nicky even speaks that something is very, very wrong.

They’d lost him almost a year ago, and Joe hadn’t stopped looking for him, unable to believe even for a second that Nicky would go without him. And he hadn’t. But now, something else is wrong, because Nicky is alive but he’s pointing a gun at Joe’s head and  _ doesn’t know him _ .

“Nicky,” Joe says shakily, holding his hands up to show he’s not armed. “Nicky, it’s me. Please. Put the gun down.”

There’s no hint of recognition in Nicky’s eyes as he looks at Joe - just cold rage. “I do not know who you are.”

Joe nearly breaks at that. “What did they do to you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Joe! We need to move!” Andy yells, her footsteps drawing closer as she runs towards him. Then she stops in her tracks. “ _ Nicky _ ?”

Nicky looks at her, then back at Joe, a wild, almost panicked look in his eyes. “Stop calling me that. I don’t know who you think I am, but you’re  _ wrong _ .”

_ He doesn’t even remember his own name _ .

“Joe, we need to go.  _ Now _ .”

“I can’t.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” Nicky says, seemingly regaining some sense of purpose. Maybe they'd sent him to find the rest of them.

A gunshot cracks through the air and Joe prepares himself for the pain. But Nicky is the one who staggers back, blood spreading across his shirt.

Joe can’t look away.

“We’ll come back for him,” Andy says, grabbing his arm, “but we’re outnumbered, and for now we need to  _ move _ .”

Joe silently lets her pull him away and out of the building to the car, where Nile’s already waiting. 

“What the hell took you two so long?” Nile asks.

Andy glances at Joe. “We’ll explain when we’re out of here.”

* * *

Joe hasn’t said a word since they left. Instead, he sits on the couch in the safehouse, staring at nothing.

He hadn’t seen that look in Nicky’s eyes - the rage, the hatred - since Jerusalem, almost a millennium ago. He didn’t think he’d ever see it again.

“Nicky’s  _ alive _ ?” Nile asks. 

“Yeah.” Andy sighs. “But there’s something wrong with him.”

She explains to Nile what had happened, and hearing it out loud hurts even more because what if they can’t get Nicky -  _ their  _ Nicky - back? What if whatever fundamental part of him that had been broken can’t be fixed? What if Joe has to start all over again with a Nicky who hates him?

Joe thinks he’s going to be sick.

A hand on his shoulder startles him out of his thoughts. “You should eat something,” Nile says gently. “Sleep, if you can.”

He shakes his head. Not now, not when he knows Nicky’s out there, they’re probably hurting him, he has to get him back-

“ _Joe_ ,” Nile says firmly, as if reading his mind. “You can’t help him if you’re not looking after yourself first. We’ll go after him in the morning, but you need to let yourself rest.”

He looks over at Andy, who’s watching them with an amused look. “She’s already figured you out, Joe.”

He manages to smile at that. 

* * *

They find Nicky again, alone, perched on the roof of a building. Joe insists on being allowed to talk to him first, before they have to use any force. 

“Hey,” he says, careful not to startle him. 

Nicky whips around, reaching for the gun at his hip. Joe raises his hands.

“I’m unarmed. I just want to talk.”

“You,” Nicky says. “I told you, I’m not whoever you think I am.  _ I  _ don’t even know who I am.”

There’s a tremble to his voice that hadn’t been there before, like the certainty he’d had before is fading. Joe doesn’t know how he’d gotten away from the people who had taken him, but has a feeling they hadn’t let him go willingly.

Maybe, in the absence of whatever had made him like this, parts of the real Nicky are beginning to break free.

“I do,” Joe says softly. “Your name is Nicoló di Genova. You died in 1099. I know you better than I know myself.”

“Stop,” Nicky whispers. “Please.”

“My name is Yusuf al-Kaysani,” he continues. “I died with you in Jerusalem. We have walked the earth together ever since.”

Nicky sinks to his knees, shaking all over now, his head in his hands.  _ He’s remembering _ . 

Joe walks slowly towards him, kneeling a few feet away from him, still trying to be as unthreatening as possible. “I know you, Nicoló, because you’re the other half of me. Amore mio, hayati, come back to me.”

Nicky screams then, a broken, pained sound that hurts as if a knife has been plunged into Joe’s heart, and collapses forward into Joe’s arms.

“You’re safe, habibi, I promise. It’s okay,” Joe whispers. 

After what feels like forever, Nicky pulls back, eyes filled with tears. “Joe?”

“I’m here.”

“This is real?” His voice is so small, so terrified, that Joe’s heart shatters.

“Yes, my love.”

“Did I hurt you?”

“No, never. I’m okay. We both are.”

“How long was I gone?”

“A year.”

Nicky lets out another broken cry and hides his face in Joe’s shoulder, holding onto him tightly. Joe rocks them back and forth gently, his own tears beginning to fall, because Nicky is  _ safe _ and Nicky is _ here  _ with him and, despite everything, they will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't a winter soldier au but it isn't *not* a winter soldier au.  
> there will be a third part to this series that i'll get to in march, with slightly more comfort, so stay tuned i guess!  
> -  
> i'm demonicneonfishy on tumblr too if you wanna come say hi!


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